What I have learned from being a mom and having one on the way...

1. If it's not bolted down, glued shut or if it's a button... it will be stolen, hidden, injested and/or pushed.
2. Cell phones don't float in fish tanks
3. Always make extra. More than half will end up on the floor, in his hair (our yours depending on how close you are), across the room, under the couch or in the diaper.
4. With the first you were so careful with your diet, no heavy lifting, blah blah blah... at this point in the game, you are just praying that you don't birth a pizza roll... 6 weeks early.
5. Point means give... don't be confused or tantrums will ensue.
6. The dry heaving sound while vomiting from morning sickness is a stand up act with a very entertained audience...with one hand holding your hair, one hand holding your child back and a small prayer that "baby" (his favorite toy) or whatever he is holding at that moment doesn't end up in the toilet as well.
7. The word "alone" does not exist
8. If it's lost or dropped... it will be found, retrieved and eaten... and pooped out whole.
9. Being asked "are you sure there is only one in there" is depressing... especially when it's your husband... daily.
10. You get on a first name basis with your Dr. office, especially when you see them for 2 years straight...every four months
11. Changing a "walkers" or a "crawlers" diaper is no joke. Most wrestling moves, I am sure, were invented by mothers changing diapers.
12. You don't have enough hands... realize it and move on.
13. The two times they want to sit with you are a) if they are sick and b) if you have something they want (especially useful with food)
14. You can name most of the stains on every bit of clothes you own.
15. Speaking of naming stains.. you now refer to stains with food names... "oh that's carrots" "that looks like plums maybe" "Is that.... banana?"
16. Every word of Brown Bear Brown Bear will be forever burned into your brain and you will have dreams of The Very Hungry Caterpillar raiding your pantries at night.
17. No drawers or cabinets are off limits -- even if they are baby proofed-- they will be banged and banged...and banged.
18. Baking or cooking are very theraputic... if they are napping.
19. Chasing baby around the house never gets old... for him.
20. Milk + fevers = not good
21. Babies are sweet, until you take something away from them... then they are gremlins and shouldn't be fed after 8:00.
22. Never underestimate the power of a button....especially one that lights up or blinks.
23. You wanted so bad for them to get their own little personality... now you are just kind of hoping that sweet little "personality" doesn't show itself in the middle of Walmart while you are in a rush...
24. Wait... Rush? What rush?
25. The simplest of things is the best entertainment and just might get you through a sudden traffic jam or an incredibly slow line at the grocery store.
26. You plan every second of your life around them... and the nearest bathroom.
27. A diaper changing table in the handicap bathroom is a harness for your child when you are alone at the store and need to go to the bathroom. It is also probably the one thing that day that sends your child into a frenzied tantrum because he is strapped down long enough for you to use the bathroom.
28. Your child does not care if you didn't go to bed until 1:00 a.m. They will be waking up at 6:00 a.m. on the dot b/c they didn't go to bed at 1:00 a.m.
29. "meh, they will poop it out" gets thrown about way to much.
30. RECORD IT.... whatever it is... the $10,000 winner on America's Funniest Videos is ALWAYS some kid doing something...anything. We are still looking for our money shot!